Open Up

Everyone puts their life on the line.
But they dont understand why I dont open up.
Im living my life one lie at a time.
And sadly regretting the pain thats cutting me up.
Im taking everything I feel n sewing it inside me.
Slowly healing the scars, becoming ok again.
But am I really? Or am I jus delusional of what I see?
The words arent coming out, but Im not asking for a hand.
So instead of crying, my smile is hiding what I do.
Instead of staying, brushing the coldness off my heart.
Instead of telling how I am, I quickly react to turn the conversation on you.
But can I really keep up this game for long without it breaking me apart?
The issue isnt me opening up, but the way youll handle it, is.
Im keeping my thoughts n my emotions out of this.
But to tell the truth this is one turn that I couldnt help but miss.
Am I hurting you? Well, Im sorry. Ive been hurt for years.
But it isnt fair for me to bring you down with tears.
It becomes something you get use to n becomes harder to resist.
When, in fact, all it is is jus a long hurtful memory on my questioning list.
Accepting help, to me, doesnt exist.
Like I said, Im already use to this.
Hi, My name is Jazmine. Im losing my mind to an unfit life.
Im emotionally scared to what life is. And keeping my words locked inside.
Half the night, Ive wasted in sighs.
Then, wake up to choosing whats right.
Why cant I open up, to release all my tough times?
Because my words; have nothing between those lines.
This is life right now; it doesnt wait for you to get back on your feet.
No disappointments. Well, to myself.
So the things I feel are being covered up by an invisible sheet.
This is what I am. This is what I do.
So can you please let me breathe, n move on with n focus on you.